sproutbabe asked: (( also, romantic and sexual attraction can be different among people who are not ace. it is possible to be heterosexual and biromantic. it is possible to be a demisexual lesbian. there are SO MANY POSSIBILITIES because there are SO MANY PEOPLE, and trying to limit the words these people use to describe themselves is erasive and disrespectful. when there is a gap in a language, we create new words. a bunch are added to the dictionary every year because they are USEFUL and IMPORTANT ))
But here’s the thing: Why do you need a special label for it? Can’t people just go on living as a person, not a label that’s really not that important? Like, yeah, that’s a descriptive word or phrase that a person identifies with but that’s not all of who they are. I don’t care what labels people use, I care about character traits. That’s just how I see things and that’s unlikely to change.
If we used that argument on race, then one might say they needn’t be bothered to remember that someone is black or Mexican, because a person’s heart is what counts.
While true, if someone tells you that it doesn’t matter if you’re Latina… The reason may not take away the sting of having a very important part of you denied. Heck, I think it matters if I’m a woman, or if I’m smart, or if I’m a Christian; I don’t want someone telling me, “It doesn’t matter if you’re a Christian; I love you because you’re smart.” (Is my religion a mark against me in your eyes? That’s what that comment made me wonder when it was said to me.)
I think the reason for this is, for example, that a “black” person can be caramelly or cafe ole or mahogany or dark chocolate; their “blackness” will come from who they find themselves to be. To many people, your cultural heritage *is* one of your proudest character traits—especially because we live in a society where being non-white is often a mark against you.
Labels for sexual and romantic identity help people accept others. Theoretically. I know I get frustrated when my bisexual best friend asks on every phone call, 1. if I’m still single, and 2. if I’ve “joined the dark side” (thought about chasing other girls yet.) She wouldn’t like it if I asked if her gay phase was over yet. But, if I asked that, I wouldn’t just be annoying to her as she is to me; I would be repeating a theme we see everywhere in our culture. Her own father has asked her if her gay phase is over, because *who she is* didn’t seem normal and, therefore, serious to him. When I was diagnosed with social anxiety, for example, I could start to have meetings with my professors at college for accomodations instead of trying to explain why I was failing so many group assignments. When my little cousins learned my brother has Down’s Syndrome, they began to treat his differences more respectfully instead of wondering why he couldn’t act like them: with a label, they now knew.
In conclusion: your romantic and sexual identity, just like your cultural identity, are character traits. That is why they’re called your “identity.”
Disclaimer: I enjoy your blog: I’m a bit nosy and saw a post with a couple question marks in it lol. I tried to edit for this, but if my tone came off as patronizing and/or aggressive anyway, I sincerely apologize for the phrasing. I’ve been confused a long time about why orientations need so many labels and hoped I could share what’s been shared with me! (I at least try to employ the label “queer,” when I’m concerned I’m about to use a specific label incorrectly, as I believe this is becoming a respectful blanket term, moreso than “gay,” under which most more specific labels from the LGBTQA+ community will fall.)